December 30, 2010
This morning, I woke up with a strange feeling. I felt that something is going to happen. Don’t know but I got apprehensive the moment I went to the bathroom downstairs.
I did my usual morning routine because I had to catch the shuttle to the office. I almost missed to take with me the apron that my office mate is borrowing for our play that day. It was in the plastic bag and there I saw the letter from Pam my daughter. She placed it between the folds of the white apron. I have an inkling of what is in that letter. Since I was in a rush, I have decided to just read it first thing when I arrive in the office. In the car, I told my husband that Pam inserted a letter on my things and I have an idea on what is in there.
When I arrived in the office, I read Pam’s letter. The content is a mixture of assurance that she will finish her studies and for us her parents not to fear that she will be like those other teenagers who got pregnant along the way because she was raised in a Christian way. She shares her fear of telling us directly that she has been going steady with Jaymore for almost 4 months now and how relieved she will be if everything is ironed out before the years ends. That she is having a hard time keeping her secret from us knowing that I don’t approve of early relationship. That she needs me to trust her and support her and how happy she is now with her true
love#$@!*#%
I felt a big lump on my throat. If only my staff are not around, I could have shed bucket of tears. Why? I knew it even before she told me. I knew that she was hiding something from me. Her actions betrayed her. Who wouldn’t have a doubt when she is texting almost non stop – when she has to go to the terrace even late at night just to answer her phone. In the church, they always sit side by side. I knew it although I am on denial - I knew that there is something going on.
In her letter, Pam mentioned that she is growing up already. She seems matured and sincere in the words that she said. Actually the letter was done in a funny manner including lots of smileys . I knew how nervous she was while writing it. Looking back I remember that Pam says a lot of “I love you Mama’ these last few days. Asking for a hug every now and then. She hasn’t changed. She was like that when she was small – whenever she has done something wrong – it was her way of asking for an assurance that whatever happens she is loved.
As for me, I am really having a hard time accepting that my baby is now a lady with varying emotions. I am hoping that this thing will happen a lot later. That she will continue to be our baby for a long time. However, I want to give her a chance..let her experience how it is really to be in a relationship and to test her level of maturity. I wouldn’t like her to feel that I don’t trust her at all. I will schedule a meeting with her and Jaymore and maybe extract promises from them that they will always behave. No hanky panky on the side. Maybe I could live with that. Let them draw inspirations from each other as Pam has said in her letter.
Maybe I should give her more freedom now after all she is already 17 years old, turning 18 soon. I must let her spread her wings and find out more about what life is all about.
Well – I know all the right things to do but still I am hesitant to do it. What if I ask them to put a stop to the relationship? Will Pam hate me for it? What if I insist? How can I do it when Pam says how happy she is now. Will it make me feel better if nobody will court or take an interest with my daughter? No, but I would rather that she accepts courtship only and no serious relationship at this stage.
What can I do? Hmmnnn… nothing maybe…who can stop the rain from falling? Or the wind from blowing? Maybe, all I can do right now is to pray harder for God to bless and guide Pam & Jaymore always. I can’t stop them but I can talk sense into them by explaining to them facts of life rather than rejecting them now . It may drive them to be even more secretive in the process and might be bad for all of us in the end.
Life is really a cycle….one can’t stay in one stage all his life…we move on to the next level and that means that Pam has to meet someone else outside our family.
