Going back to St. Luke's Hospital

If I can have my way, I wouldn’t go back to St. Luke’s this soon. This is where my father was confined before he passed away about three months ago. However, my mother needed to undergo andiogram and this hospital is one of the bests, if not the best hospital in the country today. So here I am once more….

As I stepped on the main entrance of the hospital, I can’t help but recall the day we checked out my father to bring him home as the doctors said it was just a waiting game. I can still vividly remember how hard it was for the ambulance driver, nurses, my brothers Joey & Ryan, my nephews Mark & Junjun and my husband, Mulong to get my father inside the ambulance. Cars were already queueing at the driveway of the main entrance because it took them so long before they were finally able to do it.

During that time, I was kinda mesmerized…..I was just observing. I knew that father will be gone soon so it seemed that I was trying to instill in my memory all of the scenes before me. I looked at mother keeping her bravado, her motion sickness forgotten. My husband, Pam and Ditse followed in our car. The ambulance was so fast they were already home in Bulacan while we were still in Fairview. Q.C. I did not witness the events when they brought out father from the ambulance but I was told that it was hard as well. Father was already deadweight – but my auntie said he opened his eyes and he seemed to smile because he knew that he was home already. That was his wish – to be brought home whatever happens. He knew that we fulfilled his last wish-----

My daydreaming was disturbed by the ringing of my cellphone. It was my Ate telling me that they were nearing the hospital already. I gathered my things which were scattered in the cafeteria table where I spent the time waiting for them while having my breakfast. I occupied the same table that my sisters, and brothers and my father used when we had lunch there, one time, while waiting for the results of some laboratory exams.

It was a weird feeling walking on the same hallway, taking note of the familiar seats where my father and I sat…...It seems that it was only yesterday…...Looking at one of the benches, I remember that we accidentally left his CT scan results then and it was my father who noticed the big envelope on the bench......

Of course, I also visited the room where my father was confined. It was in the second floor. I looked at Room 218B’s closed door and opened it a little to peep and I felt that a part of me would always be there. This was where my family spent some of our last moments with Tatay. From the time when I first visited him when all he could do was cry as he had a hard time communicating with us – until finally he could not do it at all. We knew he could hear us and we talked to him a lot. I even sang to him one gospel song over and over again..”Have Thine Own Way Lord, have thine own way, Thou art the potter, I am the clay, mold me and make me after Thy will, while I am waiting yielded and still......” and I am sure that my father heard me.

We also tried to check father's failing eyesight once in a while... we would always ask him to say the name of the person standing before him. We would ask Pam for instance to stand in front of Tatay and ask him to identify her. Sometimes, he could but most of the time, we believed that he was just basing his answers on the voice.

I will always remember his intense stares during his last days....while..he seemed to be slipping away from us....

It was in this room where I thanked Tatay for everything, for being a good father to all of us, for being a very loving grandpa to my daughter…..and for being a very understanding father to me and my husband.

It was here that his youngest daughter and his female version (that's me!)shed a lot of tears...

I have always felt this especial bond with my father..so much so that my siblings would always tease me for being the father's pet.

.... until finally.. .it was also here that I asked God to take my father away if it was according to His plan.

I will forever love my father and I will miss him for the rest of my life but I am glad that he is now with God!

St. Luke’s ...you're already a part of my life!